Chapter 6

Hiya, sorreh ah've no postit in ages bit ah wiz evictit oot ma coonsul hoose. Ken whit fur? non paiment eh rent. kin ye bileeve it? ah git hoosin benifits fur fucks saiks. nae cunt telt meh ah hid tae sort oot ma hoosin benifit! Ye'll hae tae bair wi me, ahm no yoost tae tipping big wurds so tak yur tyme an reed it in yer heed an yell be fyne. thay facebooks cunts chairge ye by the carickter ye ken, so if a wroted this normul it wd lk lyk dis n use r aw fik cunts who cani unrstan. 

A hid tae writ this doon fur ye as ma knickers have been wringin sinse a goat bak fae dundee, ye'd hink the dug hid been at thum. A toatul miss ma wee staffie, Kaiser. ma hoose feels empteh wioot um. A boi sent a email wanse aboot dain a vido wi Kaiser fur munneh but a hid nae credit in ma fone. he wiz gaw gie meh faiv hunner bar fur it, dae ken wut he wantit me tae dae wi a dug in a video. 

jist tae let yez ken Jamals a wee bit aulder noo and hes neerly finisht primmary skel and he's gaw be a dad! Jist hink, me Chardonnay, a gran! fukin mentul eh?

Back tae whit yoo clerty basturts want. a goat ah ovverpaiment fae the chile benufits the er day. nearly 3 hunnur quid. a coodnae buleeve it! a fought tae masel fuk thum its thare misstaik so ahm gaw go tae the big sitty and liv it up. ahl pai they cunts bak at 3.50 a week or sumhing, mah heed wiz spinnin. 

Ah lookt the piksher o sufistikashun waitin oan the bus, ah wiz toatul buzzin inside tho as I kid use mah Jamals bus pass coz hez goat that ADSD hing. The bus driver total lookt me up an doon an a fought tae masel that he total wantz me. a lookt ged in ma legginz wi ma ugg bootz a goat affy that facebay, ye been there yit? a ca believe they kin sell ugs for twinty poond, shops are scammin bams lyk so thats why a steal fae thum. Ahm share the bus driver cood read ma lips cos a felt aw classy in ma white leggins and ma asda scants, the wans wi the strawberris oan them an it wisnae the lips oan ma pus he wiz tryin tae read durty basturt. 

ah gave him a wink when ah cuvvurt Jamals pus oan his pass and did ma sexy walk up the bus, ma ug bits scartin up the aisle, awbdy oan the bus wiz lookin at meh, a wiz the queen oan it.

ah daydreemt oot the bus windae hinkin eh aw ma privios luvvurs. it wiznae long afore a wis frobbin, ma bald man in a boat was like a clowns nose. ah needit tae git tae a kfc or burger king tae frig masel, ah cannae consintrait on the chorrin if ah've got the horn on. 

The ovurgait wiz ma sanktuary and it wiz laik it wiz ment tae be as i drug ma heels aboot in ma ug bits a clipped a ten deck eh sovrins. oaft. 8 fags in it, ma poast offiss accoont goat emptiet fur ma shopin trip so it wiz lyk a hiya power wiz geen me a sine "Chardonnay dinnae chor hen, spend yer chile benufit oan yer hertz desires, they fags are a gift fae me. god hen"  ah furgot aw aboot ma frobbin dezires and fokissed oan ma shopin

a wiznae gaw splash ma cash in the ovurgait fuk that, the reel shopz wur in the wellgait. it wiz like hevin, poundland, b and ms an a mickdonalts tae. oanly hing is aw they fat auld cows spinnin aboot oan thur mobility scooters dae ma pus in ma soashul wurker said herpeez widnae git me wan. lyin basturt. hing iz a hid aw this munneh bit a dinnae git the same frill if ahm no tryin tae rip the tag aff stuff.

ohsha bam, b an ms wur sellin davidofs cool watters and joop fur men fur a tennur eech! best hing is they dinnae tag that stuff cos its total cheep noo a didnae hink it froo tho i wiz wearin white leggins, aye they wur saggeh at the erse bit there wiz nae room tae hide the bottuls.

that wiz when a herd a voise thit wiz lyk a voise aff the voise, if a wiz a judje a woodeh spun oot ma chair. he lookt fuckin gawjuss in his uniform, oaf  wite shirt that wiz 3 sizes to big fur him asda bleck troozurs and fuckt doctor mertins. it wiz hiz walky talker that really set hiz bloodshot eyes aff. "fit ye daein hen?" he askt meh, me hert meltit as his velvitty dundee accent dansed in ma ears and sent scottish power strengf bolts eh elektrissity tae ma flaps and klitiris. "git tae fuck sessual hurassin meh ye dundee prick" ah wiz gaw play hart tae git wi ma prinse. "na need tae be lyk that ken? If ye tak the davidoff oot yer legginz and pit it back ahll no be fonin the poliss in fehv minits ken?" he wiz so foarsful lyk he wiz domninatin meh. he grabt me "git aff meh ya fukkin tink!" ah shoutit "aw cum oan lyks hen thurs nae neet tae cause a scene likesay ye ken?" he grabt me by the airm an poolt me tae um, a cood smell the meffidone aff his breath he needit tae ken a wantit um. wantit us tae be jynt thegither like oor soles wur wan. Ah saw eez name tag, Barry, it says. his monobrow gave him a caivman lyk appearince a wantit him even mair. "ye'll jist hae tae fone the poliss thin ya cunt" ah saiz. 

He eskortit me tae the back room, the wan that they take aw they shoapliftin widtinks tae. as soon as he cloasd the door ahent um a drapt tae ma knees "aw barry dinna fone the poaliss ahl dae onyhing fur ye". ah didnae care that ma leggins wid git durty a needit ma barry. ah undid his belt and he let me, it must be a commin hing fur a stud lyk barry or mibbe he had too much meffidone cos he didnae fite me. ah unleeshed his manhood, a dinnae ken if it wiz cos he wiz wee n boney but ma fanny wid be killin me in about 5 minitz. "fokkin hell hen" he says as his banger goat hard in ma moof it wiz lyk a wiz in hevvin pleezin ma man an it wiz so tasty. "sorry darlin, ah hid a tommy tank after a packet o Doritos oan ma tea" a didnae cair na mare a gaiv way tae the lustful beest that wiz inside meh. he frew me oantae the interrigayshin taible an howked ma leggins and ma scants up "wur ye stealin packets o ham fae iceland and eatin them hen?" he could smel ma lust ovviously and punched three fingers insite meh and startit fingur bangin me like he was rakin fur change oot a vendy. he wiz goin so hard that i let a fly fart oot and the daft prick thought it wiz fae ma frunt bum. "aw barry" ah saiz. "I need tae feel ye." he liftit his shirt up and a saw hiz six pack and hip bones stickin oot like he wiz a fashin modul. he frust his throbbing lust deep inside eh ma aching love poakit his hip bones jaggin intae me, it wiz like i wiz gettin fuckt by a clothes horse but he wiz ma lord an a wiz hiz laydeh. "aw eh, aw fuck eh!" i wiz satisfyin ma big prince even wi ma clowns pockit. ah didnae care his mooth lookt like a vandalised graveyerd i wantit tae kiss um oor lips met and it wiz awhing ah dremt eh. "aw fuckn hell hen" ma king says as he tipped his muck intae ma fanny as ah felt explosions inside me as ah came anaw. He wiz mine and ma bairn wid huv a gawjuss accent tae, we wid aw liv in his cassel up Lochee. his walkie talker startit cracklin "jakeys liftin tampax and pigs ears Barry where are ye?" "aw fuck! ah've got tae go hen ken eh?" a howked ma soakin breeks up. basturt left me. will a ivvur lern?