Awrite gadgies and gadgettes! It's me Chardonnay!
Mind eh me? Aye ah ken ah've no been on here in ages cos eh twa hings. A went tae the tech tae dae ma Inglish standart graid n that so ma Englands a bit better than it wiz afore ken. So a hink am reddeh tae tell ye mair aboot me and this fuckin bedroom tax is killin me. Total fuckin ragin aboot it lyks. Coonsul basturts rippin meh aff. So if ah write this here and send a email tae Chat, Take a Break and that er yin wan eh they cunts mite publish and boom 30 bar! it's usually me that saiz a get raped aff ma da or that a had a bairn wi nae ersehole or that a kiss dugs peekies fur videos fur the internet. a jist mack it up and they silly cunts pyoor luv it min! It gits hardur tho when they want foties, ahve got rakes o pickshers me daein stuff wi Planet's Staffie. see wance ye get them gaun they're no bad dugs.
Anywiy, ah ken why aw youse bams read this, cos ye hink ma exploits are like proper durteh and it ackshual gets yez gaun eh ya manky bams. Bet nen eh yez huv even thought aboot ma wee man Jamal. He goat ten aff me by the Soashul!! LOL ah fukin wish, he's still wi me and ah luv ma wee chocklit sodjur. He's stertin the primary 5 eftur the summur holudehs and ah manijed tae get um Champix so he'll be aff the fags in nae time. ah hink the wee bams kickin aboot wi some dodgy cunts tho. got ript aff the er day when he sayz he wantit a tennur, fund a tiny bit eh soap bar in his Gio-Goi jeans. a ackshual laffed and fought wot a dense wee cunt. shouldve got mair than that fur a tenner.
enuff aboot him so jist afore the summur a went doon the links merkit. its fuckin ackshual mintit lyk. a total luv the merkit me lyk ah git a total gid swatch at aw the boyz ken? the smell eh adidas afturshave and links africa aff aw the tidy cunts, if theyv goat a tag oan aw the better coz a luv bad boys. but that wiz when oor eyes met...
a saw um howkin aboot under the Tageda, ye ken the hing thats like a circle wi seats on it whit total chucks you aboot like a ginger step bairn, fur folks wallets and fones. a hud tae hae um. he wiz wearin a supardry jaikit and it wiz oan his boddeh like a tramp on chips. he wiz nuhin like that cunt fae sports direct he total hud a total gid tan n that and he had wan eh they tattoos on his pus like him aff the hangover ken the specky wan? it wiz lyk magnits pullin us thegither, Jamal started runnin his moof so a scuddit his heed and was lettin masel git pulled in by his tractur beem o luv.
"hapnin shaggur" a sais "awrite darlin" he sais. his eyes burnt intae ma sole, he cocked his heed, then again and again, ah hink this cunt had tourettes. a hope he swears and calls me a cockmuck LOL a fought tae masel. he didnae just no hae a wash he wiz proper tanned an a dae hink it wiz fae the stand n tan, he wiz mair manly than ennyhing ah'd ever seen. he wrapped his airms aroont me ma bad yak wiz burlin wi excitement "ah-m gaw fuh fuh fuh fuh finger ye! FLAPS FLAPS!" ohyah fucker, he hud toorets, this wiz gaw be mintit!! ah asks um if we cud go sumwhere mair private....
he ten meh tae his caravan that wiz behind his maws cake n candy stall, "welcum tae mah palliss o luv SHITEY KNICKERS!" ah sayz tae jamal "cover yer ears pal this cunts language is fuckin atroshiss" I wiz aprehensiv as my fanny wiz lyk terry waits allotment and the way this sexy cunts heed wiz gawn wi hiz tic ah bet he could lick the paint aff wa's. "ye wantin a FUCK...SHIT...ARSEHOLE... can eh red rooster fur the bairn hen?" ah saiz "nah he only drinks blue chairge pal, whats yer name by the way?" "it's PISSPISSMATTY" "pisspissmatty?" ah saiz "naw jist MATTYNYEEEEEY PEEDO" ah needit Matty's hot slab o manlove inside meh. a wiz jist aboot to go up on blocks fur ma bad week so a wiz total gantin fur ma hole. Matty hud a 60" 3B telly so ah chucked Jamal a pair eh glesses an saiz "sit doon an shut yer pus"
ah took Matts haun, it wiz huge and aw ruff wi callisses, thur wiz lectric atween us like sum cunt hud jist pit fifty wing in the leccy meter and it wiz mainlinin' tae ma hole, ma pants wur wringin awreddy. Matty wiz ma sultan, ma knight in shinin armur, ah hink me his printsess jasmin (like Aladdin) wiz fa'in fur um... he chucked me oan the bed lyk a empty tracksuit. Aw a kid see wiz masel, the kinky bastard had put a 1 Direction pickshur mirror oan his roof. holy fuck a aboot came there an then, he pounced on me like what a tiger diz tae a horse oan they borin as fuk naychur programs, "fuck" a fought, a better hae set the sky fur Big Brer. Matt wiz aw er me, he wiz howkin ma tap up and gettin in aboot ma funbags like Jamal at the playstation a got fae Cash Generator on chuck fur hes chrismiss. ah kid feel his throbbing sexmeat bump against ma C seckshun scars froo ma leggins, a didnae care thit a just goat thum fae peacocks, this hunky bas kid rip them aff ma aching body. "d-d-d-d-do you like HELMET HELMET CHEESE.. kinky stuff hen?" ma mahahaharaja asked me. "ahm no daein dugs ya bleck cunt no even fur 50 bar, the bairns oot there!" ah sais. he sais "naw, like, FUH FUH FUH SLAGS! like bondij and that" "like bein a spy?" a sais. he cocked his heed, and cocked it again. he rummijed aboot in his bedside drawer and ten a box oh they wee woodin forks oot and tipped them aw er me. ah wiz like demmy moor when she pumped that auld cunt cept it wiz they wee woodin forks no money coverin me. he pit wan in ma moof like what ye see Rambo daein when he sets fire tae himsel in the third wan. ah'm no jokin ye, a thought ah'd pished masel a wiz that wet, he rolled me er and a closed ma eyes, it wiz like a wiz aboot tae scran a mcdonalds apple pie, the anticipation then the mix eh pleasure and pain cos there aiwez hot as fuck but reely gid.
he ten two oh they snake hings on they wires and tied me face doon, he howked ma leggins doon and a awaitit the waves eh pleashur as hiz tung worked aw aboot ma erse an that. he spanked and slapped me wi the wee widden forks ma boddeh wiz awash wi pleshur, like when ye see yer appeal letter fi the dole sayin thur backdatin yer money. "aww matty ah need ye" ah saiz "hod on hen" he saiz a felt his body on mine and a imagined his frobbin peekie tae be like a red puddin that ye see in Valente's wee frier winda wi a big thick helmit. afore a kent it he wiz inside me, me an ma king wur wan, he kept on takkin it right oot ma fanny and rattlin it back in, it wiz gettin aw fu o air but ah didnae care. i was in seventh hevvin. he rolt me er and got wan eh they hings that his maw hings the popcorn and that aff eh on her stall and clipped them ontae ma nips sha hoor it wiz sair but anyhing for ma Matty, he cocked his heed and smilet at me as he rammed his loveweapon back inside me he howked ma legs up oer his shooders and a fanny fartit but a didnae care and neevur did ma king he started batterin ma box his clockweights slappin ma erse. he whipt aff they hings aff ma nipples, they were throbbin like ma budgie's tongue, a massive organism went fae ma taes up tae ma heed, a groaned really loudly and Matty climaxed deep inside ma flange, yass a wiz gaw hae ma man eftur aw, "are ye fightin again Mum?" Jamal says. "CUNTBISCUITS!" Matty shoutit. "Right hen, ah'm awa back tae the Tageda" ah didnae care that he left me, ah wid see ma man again. ah liftit a fork as a wee memento. a got sortit and a took Jamal tae the puggies, it wiz awrite coz ah goat ma money the day.
Ah came back the next day to find the merkit awa. sake. but a goat ma wish. A hot showboys jizz in ma nan.
