Chapter 3

Jamal's ma wee sodjur, a ca mind his fer's nem. A met um oan a weekend awa tae Blackpool, lets jist say he satisfied me like no man in Fife kid an ah aiwez wantit a chocklit bairn. thur gorjiss. Ah hink Jamal's gaw grow up tae be a laydehkillur. Wen ah wiz yungur if a boy hiz culur turnt up ah widdey maid shair ah wiz first in the queue and a wid claw onny bitches een oot tae keep um, i wid cut hiz nem inta ma airm anaw so we'd be thegither furivur. Ah go n a see Jamal at ma maws, the soshuls no ten um aff me or that, ma maw gits a kayrurs allowance fur um. Mintit, dubul benefits eh? lol An it meenz ah kin git oot oan the pish wen ah want. A usually oanly git a hauf boatul eh Vodkat n sum Freeway cola an me an Destiny sit in an lissun tae Basshuntur n that. Mind wen eh goat accused o touchin up a burd at Kitteh's? That wiz me! lol a mite still git sum cash aff it. A toatally widuv let Basshuntur hae his wai wi me tae bit the poliss dae need tae ken!

Wen a wiz jist ootside ma maws a saw a mintit Voxhall Corsa it hid massiv ixhost oan it an ah hudnae seen it doon the prom or that afore ken. Ah've been pumped mair times thin a airbed doon there lyk, but thats fur aner time. So a firet intae ma maws tae see whit wiz hapnin. a smelt a mans aftirshaiv. it wiz the saim iz ma Kayden's. fukin Joop. If onny smell wiz gaw git ma budgies tongue throbbin it wiz that. A herd ma maw talkin tae sumwan in the kichin. That wiz wen ah furst saw the man eh mah dreemz. He wiz gorjiss. He wiz wearin a Mckenzie T shurt, an he hid wel poash Evisu jeenz oan ye ken the wanz wi the big hing er the erse? Thay wanz in tae tap it aff white timbeh's. Time stoaped, he took ma breff awa. Ma hert wiz hammerin in ma chist. Oor eyez lockt, there wiz nae gammy een or nuhin and he hud a byootiful teardrop tattoo. cummin fae his right wan. ah wantit that teeyur tae be fur me, a loang loast luv that spanned er milleniya, mair than a case eh um gittin fishy fingurs at the pickshurs watchin Transformers 3 ken? A bet wans he wiz gawn he kid poke holes in cheap doors. His hawns wur big anaw, ah kid imagine thum wurkin majic aw er ma aykin bodeh, yernin fur eez tuch and the swally tattoo wiz the isin oan the sexy kayk.

Ma maw broak the silens "Fuk ye stairin it?! Cuntz goat a nem!". Ah saiz "shut yur pus!" bit a wiz awreddy blushin. eftur they'd dryt oot ma pants wur gaw be fu o clitty litter the night. "Hiya ah'm Chardonnay" ah saiz. He cocked his heed and saiz "ah'm Dov" sha hoor... Dov... it soonds like Duv and thayre byootiful burdz an ah wiz gawn tae fly oan hiz wings o luv and sook hiz cock "ye pittin the fukin kettul oan?!" a screemd at ma maw. So she did. A wantit Dov tae see meh, i wiz a bit guttit coas ah had wan eh mah auld thongs on an it wiz a durty grey bit a fought fuk it an ah bent doon tae git Jamal a bisskit oot the cubburd. ah did a sexy wee bend er and pyoor tensed ma airshole, cos a wiz gaggin fur a fart an a wid dee if a fartit in frunt eh ma King. Ah goat up an saiz "ye wantin a bisskit Dov?" bit ah said it like "Dov, ye wantin tae tak me up the starez and kick ma back doorz in?" A felt eez gaiz oan meh as a went tae gee Jamal his bisskit.

Ma maw shoutit frew tae me aboot gawn doon the toon tae git ur sum stuff, ah telt ur that ah'd awriddy goa her stuff and goat thay Samba's fur her pal anaw. But she wantit mair shite so ah wiz tae fire doon tae Tesco's. Ah goat Jamal intae his pram n that an ah saiz tae Davy "ye wantin tae cum doon the street wi me?" bit ma maw sayz "Awa tae fuk yoo!" Auld cow. Davy'll be up tae hiz back wheelz in ma maw afore ah'm oot the fukin street ah bet. Jammeh bitch. Ah'll snare um in ma web eh luv soon enuff, lyk a seckseh spidur.

So ah firet intae Tesco, and ah wiz glad wee Jamal wiz wi meh, ah pumpt some fish fingers and waffuls inside his pram aside Jamal, he widnae mind, he wiz asleep. Beltur, about 25 quids wurf eh stuff and ah oanly went tae get ma maw fags. Wi the change aff the 20 bar she gied me a foought ah'd nip tae the Indoor Merkit and buy Jamal a new tap, a herd they wur daein they tapoot ufc wans oan the cheap, Jamal wid look braw and hard as fuk wi wan eh thaym oan. I went tae wan eh the stalls and thats wen a saw um... Oor eyez locked, he wiz a stunnin broon culur, so wur hiz een which smouldert wi pashin and wur burnin intae mine, that wiz it, ma flaps wur aflame wi pashin, that or ma thrush wiz flarin up. Ah goat the hoodit tap fur jamal that a wantit but ah wiz a fivur short. A turnt the pram awa fae ma Tupac, coz thats what he lookt lyk, a reinkarnayshin eh Tupac but wi a peedo tash n a turban. Ah saiz "Haw pal, wid ye tak forteen ferty fur that tap?" he opened his moof and ah sware ah wiz in luv. he murmurt "twenny poun" in a voice that made ma liqourice go aff like a rockit. ah asks um "fourteen ferty anna haun joab?" He looked uncomfy bit it widnae be long afore we wid be entwined wi lust, a pit ma hawn inside his tracky b's an rapt it roon his pump action mott gun. Hiz een clased wi pleshur and he murmured at meh, dae kin wat he said lyk. Bit he oppened his een, ah hink he wiz lookin at ma gammy wan bit ah didnae care, ah wantit ma Tupac tae start a fug life wi me, his white gangstur beeyatch. I startit movin ma hawn up n doon n up n doon n up n doon n up n doon. Tupac? Two pump mair like, as his lust overflowed aw er ma hawn an his knees gave wai tae his animulistic dehzires. Durty bass.Well that pit me rite aff um, ma kwest fir a ikzotik luvur cuntinues. A firet ma hawn intae ma thong tho and wiped his joygloy aw er ma minge, ye nivvur ken, a might hae aner halfcast bairn.

Cheekeh boniss tho ah goat Jamal a Tapoot hoody, a wantit a pair eh airmax fur um but ah wiznae gaw go back tae Sports Direct as ma Kayden wiz there. Ersehole.